NAIL DOWN THE LOGISTICS

Planning and preparing for the ceremony can be the most stressful part of weddings, and you don’t want that stress to spill over into the event. The sooner you take care of the details, the better. Coordinate with the couple and get the answer to these questions…

A. WHEN IS THE WEDDING?

Make sure to block out the time. Put it in your calendar, phone, etc.

B. WHERE IS THE VENUE?

It may be a backyard, it may be a wedding venue or a beach. Wherever it is going to be held, the venue can inform the tone of the ceremony. Additionally, it helps to know where you will be speaking.

C. HOW WILL I GET THERE?

Figure it out, and lock in in, and because travel is stressful enough without last-minute scrambling.

D. WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?

The way that we dress sends important social cues, and helps to set the tone of the ceremony. Find out what the couple has in mind, and if they don’t know, collaborate and maybe you’ll come up with something interesting or fitting together.

This takes care of the important logistics. Getting these points out of the way early will help to establish the tone you want to set when you begin writing the ceremony.

REVIEW THE CEREMONY

Now that you’ve nailed down the what, when, and where, it’s time to review the ceremony itself. Before you begin reviewing the ceremony, we recommend you follow these steps.

LEARN ABOUT THE WEDDING CEREMONY

Read through the ceremony your clients created on our Ceremony Creator. This is not complicated stuff, but it is important for you to read and get a feel of the ceremony. After reading through the ceremony, you will have a solid understanding of:

1. The ceremony as a whole
2. Its individual pieces
3. Your role and responsibilities as the officiant

MEET WITH THE COUPLE

The purpose of this meeting is to:

1. Get everybody on the same page
2. Get a better idea of the “flavor” of the ceremony

The following questions will help the couple tell you what you need to know as officiant and will save everybody valuable time.

1. Are there any special rituals you want included, such as a unity candle, or ancestral blessings?
2. Are any other parties involved in the ceremony?
3. Have you written your vows?
4. Is there anything else that I have not addressed that you would like to share?

The answers to these questions will provide all you need to understand the scope of your responsibilities.

OFFER TO HELP WITH THE WEDDING VOWS

You, as the officiant, are in the unique position to be a valuable and helpful resource to the couple, especially when it comes to writing their vows.

You may have never provided wedding vow counsel before. Don’t let this hold you back, or make you think you are unqualified. You do not need a philosophy degree to help someone with their wedding vows. All that is involved is an honest conversation, the right questions, and listening.

On that note, follow the steps below for the best results.

1. Is the couple interested in your help with their vows?
2. The first thing, of course, is to find out if the couple wants help. Maybe they want to do this on their own. That’s fine, it means one less thing you need to do, and you can move on to other things.
3. If they do want help, set up an appointment with them individually. When you meet, you can start by asking the following questions.

IF THE COUPLE NEEDS HELP WRITING VOWS

Use this opportunity to give the couple some direction. A great way to do this is to ask:

• How did you two meet?
• When did you know you were in love?
• What is a specific thing you love about your partner?
• Was there an event that really articulated that thing you love?
• Is there something you have wanted to tell them but have not for some reason? Perhaps it sounded cheesy? Or you were worried that it might come off heavy handed? Well, this is your chance!
• Remember that time you two…? What a hoot!
• Is there something your partner has done in the past that surprised you, in a good way?
• If your partner was leaving for Mars tomorrow and you knew you would not see them face to face for years, what would you want to say?

ONCE THE VOWS ARE WRITTEN

If the couple has written their vows then this is a great opportunity to ask:

• Would they be interested in reading what they have? If not that is perfectly fine.
• Do they want feedback? Advice? If not that is also perfectly fine.

This is a wonderful opportunity that benefits both parties through collaboration. These conversations will provide insight into the tone of the ceremony and you will help the couple accomplish a task that can be quite daunting.

Stay in touch. Keep each other accountable. If the couple planned on writing their vows, but has been procrastinating, follow up with them. They won’t resent a helpful reminder to get it done.

REVIEW THE FINAL DRAFT, REHEARSE & POLISH

By this point you should have everything you need for the ceremony. Review the final draft and confirm it is exactly what the couple wants. Now that your draft is ready for rehearsal, it’s time to take your script and make sure everything reads out loud the way it sounds in your head.

READ THE CEREMONY TO YOURSELF OUT LOUD

Pay attention to anything that feels clunky, that you have trouble saying, or otherwise doesn’t feel quite right. Make the necessary corrections. Often times, things that look good on paper do not translate well when spoken aloud.

Before you really start to polish your wedding ceremony script, read it aloud to catch phrases that may trip you up or otherwise feel cumbersome when recited aloud.

SOLICIT THE HELP OF A FRIEND FOR YOUR FIRST FEW WEDDINGS

Find someone to listen to you rehearse the ceremony. Having a second pair of ears is a great way to uncover potential issues that you were unaware of. Take and apply all constructive feedback.

Remember, your friend is here to help you improve the script, not to criticize you as a person. A good ceremony script is about the couple, not about your skills. The more you open yourself up to constructive feedback, the better your finished script will be.

PRACTICE AND INTERNALIZE

At this point you should have a polished ceremony with the final wording. In the days leading up to the ceremony, we recommend that you set some time aside each day to practice the script.

Set some time aside each day to practice reading the ceremony script aloud. This should take between five and ten minutes each time, maybe even less. The following are thing you can work on to perfect the ceremony.

BE AWARE OF YOUR CADENCE

Use a stopwatch to find out how long it takes you to speak the ceremony. This is a great way for you to get a clear idea of how long you will be speaking. After doing this several times, you will also have a better idea of when you are rushing.

When it comes to public speaking, it is important to speak clearly and slowly. Because of the adrenaline rush, most people with little public speaking experience tend to speak too fast. Knowing how much time the ceremony should take will give you an indication of whether and how much you should pace yourself.

CREATE PRACTICE OPPORTUNITIES

We all have busy lives and it may be hard to set aside time to practice the ceremony script. Think about places in your every day schedule where you can squeeze in a practice session. Practice in the morning while getting ready for work, or in the car during your commute, etc. There are many moments during your day that you will be able to set aside to memorize the script.

PRACTICE THE MOTIONS

Conducting a wedding ceremony is not just a function of saying the words. It is a performative event, and just like theater, to do it well, it is important to think of the gestures and actions that will be happening on stage. For instance, what actions do you do during the Rings Exchange or during the Declaration of Intent?

In theater, this is referred to as “blocking”. Once you have familiarized yourself with the words, your brain will be freed up to focus more on the actions associated with the words. Block out all these actions so that they are paired with the corresponding words. So for instance, you will know to turn to each couple when delivering the pledge.

DRESS PRACTICE

Wear something appropriate, hold a book, use the script as a prop. You will notice that this may throw off your previous work at familiarization and blocking.

With a prop in hand, such as a Bible or ceremony script notes, you may notice that you will have to modify certain actions. For example, if you are involved in handling rings during the rings exchange. Which hand will be holding the book? Which hand will give the rings to the couple? These are all things to figure out in advance so that you know exactly what to do during the actual ceremony.

Also, many people find that holding a prop helps them a lot. It may feel awkward standing on a stage talking with no podium in front of you and with nothing for your hands to do. Holding a book gives your hands a job and goes a long way to mitigate that weird feeling of standing on a stage speaking with empty hands.

FINAL RECOMMENDATIONS

1. Show up an hour early on the wedding day.
2. Before the ceremony, check in with the couple or wedding planner in case there are any last minute changes you need to be aware of.
3. Make sure to bring a pen.
4. Bring a ceremony book/binder. Holding a nice looking book makes the optics of the ceremony look better, especially for photographs. Also, you should place the ceremony inside the book; that way, you can have a reference without having an ugly piece of paper in view of the audience.
5. Before the couple kisses, stand to the side so that they can have all the focus, and the photographer and audience can take better pictures.